Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sad Sack Journal

I started writing a baseball smart ass thing and ended up having to write an email of the heavy nature. My zest cooled down to finish it but should be able to post soon. Found these false starts to high art journal and just felt like what they hey post em'.

3-4-11 (Friday): Most days it is the same, I run a tight ship in the morning getting the wee man ready and at some point feel my face get flush as I have to remind once again to either shut off the bathroom light or put on socks. “Hey pal I don’t need a gripping suspenseful story of why you have not brushed your teeth I just need those fuckers clean.” Today was typical, overloaded with work and the double standard was in play as usual. Every victory seems tainted these days, feel good about something but there is always a catch. A rusty door springs on it hinges and may not make solid contact it at least grazes me to make me stumble.

I stumbled into the hall and smelled the baby powdered perfume smell that I think she be known as the official going out smell. I realized what a gap there is between me walking to pick up Thai take out and hoping the library is open so I can pick up a movie on reserve to dousing yourself in perfume, putting on your fuck me heels and spending time checking you angles in a mirror. The poor boyish gal at the Thai place talked a bit with me about allergies and I realized later she may have been flirting just a tad. She is an oddly attractive girl, kind of like a stretched out elongated version of an Asian baby doll you buy at a dollar store. My racist ass was shocked when she spoke more this time and had somewhat of a deep Connie Chung Americanized voice.

I have been feeling burned out with life, nothing dramatic or too earth shattering. I have been confused as to why I am so tired and why my motivation to do anything involving walking or gym work. Even now just sitting here at the computer missing my A key now I feel my back tighten and my irritation growing about the key and how I have been missing out by falling asleep early. At work I have been keeping a blank piece of paper by my desk and have been jotting down ideas for projects and how I want to make short little Flip camera films to secretly upload somewhere and maybe cherish a comment or two. As for work there is no help in sight, only more cases and more suggested volunteering. But I tell you work is good in that it helps this boy day dream of all the great work and project he would be getting done if it wasn’t for holding down the steady J.

But I do not want to be a ole negative ninny, gotta have a hope spot now and then no matter what the size. Lately I have been immersed in the fine card board art of cards again. I often worry about this blog just becoming all about cards and I constantly worry about being too much of a Cardboard Gods rip off. Honestly I thought a long time about writing about the cards I loved when I was a kid. What I have found is that like most of my interests my uh hmm fellow collectors seem to be into complaining and more complaining.