Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Flip of a Card:

Click for OptionsMy dad is a newspaper writer, he used to write a couple of editorials or columns a day. Somewhere, maybe? There is a column he wrote about his sickly son (me) who after another day of being sick was sitting in his room throwing cards into a hat looking like a convict on death row. 

Well years later I am sitting on the edge of a tub in California throwing cards into a minor league baseball hat to help me choose what movie to tackle next. I “borrowed” portions of the idea from Jeremy Gardner writer/director/ star of The Battery (seriously go buy that film and add it to your permanent collection). He was creating a movie suggestion deck of cards from folks on Twitter. He posted his first ten, well I liked this idea and added some of my own stipulations to it. 

See, I may have more movies than I will ever be able to watch in my lifetime. I need help from something or someone to get some of these puppies watched. My time is limited as I work and commute and some days work some more and often get handed an itinerary of sorts that can change multiple times throughout a day. I was having a shit day taking a whomping at work and the only little bright spot I was thinking of was stopping at the Rite Aid and picking up some cards and going through unwatched movies and defacing the front of those playing cards (yeah I am a simple man).

My evening took a few twists and turns and once again I took solace in ideas, films and odd projects that may only be seen by two or three sets of eyes. I turned on the exhaust fan in the bathroom and sat up my Surprise Rafters ball cap and began to flip away. I decided on starting with five films and also made the rule to write a bit about each one.

I picked this DVD up in a Rasputins 3 for $10 deal. It had a lot of intrigue and promise; nice painted odd cover, Dodge City’s own Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento as a stripper, about three bucks and did I mention Asia?

Card 1: Seven of Diamonds/ The Keeper:
Image result for helen shaver the keeperClick for Options

Ah Asia she scares me at times and I yet she may be in the top three of attractive women (to me my taste runs a bit…odd). I remember her Rolling Stone Cover well. Nothing like vacuuming the YA section at 6AM and occasionally looking at the odd tattoo peeking over her jeans, oh man waaaay too early. At some point I read the article and I remember feeling like my theory of her smelling like perfume and smoke being accurate and also how she very openly talked about hooking up with some random dude to the writer. I have watched a lot of her films since then and after cannon balling into the odd horror film pool no understand a little more about her and her pops and the context of her. 
Image result for the keeper 2004 
So I jotted down some notes on this film. I kind of waffled back and forth on it and I am not sure if I was giving it more credit and leeway due to Dennis Hopper and Asia being in it. 

Summing it up it was a mediocre film, I could imagine watching it on USA after Wings re runs were done while home on a sick day. Or maybe if I could not sleep turning it on around 2AM on a Saturday morning. 

I am pretty sure this will go into the mental to sell pile for the next purge session. From the way my last selling went I may owe them money next times, $25 come on you sold that Comic Book movie Collection for $12 I saw it fuckers.

High spot: Asia Argento, really interesting to watch and she was not overly sleazy even though she was playing the role of stripper drifter (wait that may be a good title for a new script, copyright JSB@)
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Dennis Hopper looks like Rudy Giuliani. He seemed very flat and wooden which is disappointing. This was not the same PBR drinking and huffing guy, right? Occasionally you would see flashes but I am pretty sure he knew this films was bland. **Footnote: Which begs the question is it better to be in a movie that is an outright turd? Be great or suck an egg but if you’re putting the time into it crash and burn people.***
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Older odd TV producer played crazy well, very erratic. First you thought sexual, then no career goals for TV back to no she wants old wiener. **Footnote 2: Holy crap older lady is Helen Shaver, she has been in a ton of stuff. Including Tremors 2 which is on my to watch list via Blu Ray*** 

Image result for helen shaver the keeper

I hate the washed out Showtime look, not sure what they use but it does have a distinctive feel but that is not a compliment. Good example is the few Masters of Horror I have seen, big stories told by big creative names but that wash out look makes it feel bush league. 
Image result for the keeper 2004
Kid from American Pie type movies was ok. I feel bad as he has been typecast in that role, he’ll probably never land a serious role. He has that kind of head bobbing Jason Harvey delivery and you are always waiting for some smart ass remark and a “Huh Huh” from him after even a serious line of dialog. Still could be worse for him, he could be only getting roles as overweight grease ball biker in commercials and failed pilots.  

Best scene was Asia getting out of cage and Hopper firing shots hitting paint cans. The only time Hopper really shined, asking her if she could make it up steps without him shooting her. Kind of a play on how many bullets did I fire but that’s ok. The paint cans leaking red blood was a bit ham fisted but I can forgive as we finally had a little bit of tension in the film (except for the tension of hoping for nudity).

I may have to go back and re watch end as I am often drowsy and have to make several attempts at completing a movie. I cannot really recommend it or say to seek it out but you could stumble upon a lot more awful things to watch. I think the initial attack guy is caught and it was just random and Hopper just seized opportunity. I would watch the end again but it may just be easier to Wiki look it up, my time is very limited. 

“Oh good a made for Showtime movie!” was never said by anyone…
Grade C plus