I am about to go and print up some full color covers etc. for my re entry into the dead concept of zines at Kinko's. I am taking it back to 1996 (wow what a great year) and producing a zine that you can send in the mail as well as read on the toilet. I am not sure of the title but I did a little one for a quick poop for a good shit of a friend Tim. I named it On the Fly as I was putting it together while working a crap job (wow that is a lot of toilet references) on a slow afternoon.
The insurance world is awful and not for me, but the I did get some writing done when I was often abandonned with little training. So here is the, I guess prototype to my zine which should be done this week. The official first issue has a lot of wrestling writing but also some comics and journal stuff. Enjoy and let me know if by some weird chance someone is reading this and even weirder that they would like a zine mailed to them or emailed as a word document. I also just realized that the photos I used are not transferring over, so I will just post a mug shot of a great wrestler Dick Slater who I hope is doing better.
On the Fly(I should be working) Issue: 1 Circulation:1
INTRO OUTRO
This zine is a one time special issue. What will it contain? The findings of a foolish boy from Kansas who should be working his butt off trying to make his sales quota but the boy is tired and alone in the office. Possibly not alone due to big brother’s computer eye. Is he safe from State Farm’s brown eye that blocks hotmails and you tubes and my wife Ashleys? Oops a friend told me. Is word safe from prying eyes? I am at least here. Right? All done on the fly.
Things I wish I could do better: draw, lose weight and smooth talk. I am a comfortable talker but by no means a smooth one. I often wish I had a choice of super powers. One would be that simply by opening my mouth and speaking people would fall in love with me. OK yeah that was a shitty movie called Love Potion #9. Now that I think of it if I had that power shouldn’t I use it for something other than selling insurance?
How did I end up almost 35 and in California which is so full of itself, that South Park episode was right it is amazing between the over indulged kids, hypenated names and Green cars that I have not ended up in a tower with a rifle.
No more ranting and moaning. Here are some choice cuts from the Diary of a Madman, wait scratch that Ozzy reference. Diary of a I am going to snap someday guy:
DIARY OF A POOP BUTT (excerpts the negative)
What I like as of 9-9-8: I got yelled at last night. I looked up flights home for Christmas. I read some of the new Sedaris book. I feel alone. I feel like 2 employees. I finished the Wire, I cried when Michael left Bug at the aunt’s house. I watched a horrible wrestling program XPW TV, Onita’s press conference made me laugh. Palin speaks like Pickles and looks like Tina Fey’s wise aunt. I think I look ok today. I wish I could take the day off and eat pizza and catch up on AAA. I miss the boys all of them nephews and friends alike. I have not done a lot yet today, just day to day stuff. I am thinking about looking into a part time job at a homeless shelter. I was proud that I shaved, showered etc. last night so I could sleep a little more this morning.
Hey kid this is not a library, is seldom heard. Now discouraging words…Had Subway in the park and hated myself, homeless laughing man in the gazebo, I should have given him half instead of waiting for the empty belch to finish… I am a prick. After lunch my peeing increases. I should be making phone calls. I will hang information on doors later and hope no one sticks angry dogs on my butt.
I am a false front, I walked into the parking lot and realized that no one really sees the dark cloud I have inside. Ancient Chinese Secret. Afternoon upswing, coffee breath and a crazy man from Bulgaria in the office, wealthy garbage man was he. Could I hang off those trucks and lose my sense of smell? Here yes in Kansas no with the cold and the ice storms, but it would be nice after a long cold day to warm up your feet and watch the weather girl and take a nap. I miss the seasons, I should be charged rent at Safeway. Good night.
The bump in the night/day of Sept. 10: Houston I had a problem, you know the shirt I liked? Within 5 minutes of preparing a dinner it was assaulted and thrown across the room by a lumpy guy who had Safeway chicken salad breath mixed with feta cheese and apple chips. OK OK it was me.
Hi here is my card for Sept. 11, 2008 not so lucky #7, maybe it is a death dealer card. Damn shirt does not want to stay tucked in today, smells like fresh laundry though. Had some wine and cheese and won a bottle of wine. Knee deep in the Skrull invasion and felt like one. Embrace change, change into more comfortable clothes. Digging up business as I think about elbow drop beat down and how I want to go to McDonald’s for a Big Mac and read comics in peace.
A demand list was given for the one hostage of the true me; a sports car, bigger house, nanny and a new baby. In too deep should take up soccer and block a shot every period with my testicles. Rich white and business like I do not believe is me. Not too bad a mood, some jokes but I was told I need to get thicker skin. Hey guess what you need to have a nicer mouth. The responsibility I guess is on the person who has hurt feelings.
AND A RANDOM ONE FOR THE ROAD:
Sometimes I think it would be nice to just leave everything all behind. Go back to Hays and work at Hastings and have a small apartment. I would be 3 hours from my friends and 1 and a half from my family. Or maybe move to New Jersey and get a shit job and go to wrestling shows. Or maybe I should grown up and quit being interested in comics, characters and toys. I am lost and it is bad as being lost on highways in the mountains late at night. Maybe I could go to Japan and work and go to BJW shows and enjoy the consideration and quiet of a full country. Maybe I could move to Canton and get a good house for a decent price, open a video store and live the rest of my days in a lonely peace. I know what I am supposed to want; big house and a nice car. I want a house where I can have my stuff out.
Top Ten Wrestlers My favorite 2 that are tickling my fancy as of 10-3-8 when I should be elbow deep in sales (this is on the fly god damnit):
1. Chessman I side with him in his feud with Cibernetico. Cibernetico is the HHH of AAA (clever huh?) A couple of weeks ago they had their first big one on one and he wore this odd orange doll mask with hair and removed it to have smudged black face paint. He looked deranged so it was great. He also in the same match took a nutty as a squirrel turd bump from a stunner off the apron onto a table. He lost but I hope they give him his own group with a certain gladiator I like. Yeah right. His throw away match with Ricky Marvin as his partner was so great, especially the spearing of Jack Evans through the ropes and a table. Chessman is a big caveman who bumps like crazy and has his mental good days and bad. I guess I relate.
Shadow WX: This pic is from his hot sauce board death match that I have not seen yet. It is getting mixed reviews. But hey I was excited to hear he won the belt again. He looks different now, slimmed down and tan. I wonder why guys go back to death matches after leaving it? I was just watching one last night and Shadow had tubes stuck in the front of his shirt and then got a knee splash. His death match finish is nutty as it is a light tube lariat. He is one passionate fella and hey Winger is back too. Will they team them up or have them kill each other? Knowing BJW they will do both. Heated singles match one day meaningless 6 man the next day.
The good:
Halloween type TV
Too many DVDs to watch
Burger King by the San Carlos airport
Skaar Son of Hulk
I had coffee today and a random girl smiled at me on Laurel St.
Sweet Brown Sugar aka Stagger Lee aka Koko B. Ware
10-30-8 is an overcast day with rain (finally)
The bad:
Baseball is over
No time to watch too many DVDs
Eyes watching over for State Farm
Bagging your weasel
Green, green politics- flamethrower this state
The ugly:
Said bagged weasel
The 4AM poop that died 10-29-8 onion
blossom covered in wet sand
Trying to sell something that you cannot touch, taster or fart on
*This quickly produced zine should be read on the toilet, but not for a big get a pillow poop but a quick one. For bigger and longer poops I recommend the following:
Planet Hulk
Joke Books
Wii manuals
INTRO OUTRO
This zine is a one time special issue. What will it contain? The findings of a foolish boy from Kansas who should be working his butt off trying to make his sales quota but the boy is tired and alone in the office. Possibly not alone due to big brother’s computer eye. Is he safe from State Farm’s brown eye that blocks hotmails and you tubes and my wife Ashleys? Oops a friend told me. Is word safe from prying eyes? I am at least here. Right? All done on the fly.
Things I wish I could do better: draw, lose weight and smooth talk. I am a comfortable talker but by no means a smooth one. I often wish I had a choice of super powers. One would be that simply by opening my mouth and speaking people would fall in love with me. OK yeah that was a shitty movie called Love Potion #9. Now that I think of it if I had that power shouldn’t I use it for something other than selling insurance?
How did I end up almost 35 and in California which is so full of itself, that South Park episode was right it is amazing between the over indulged kids, hypenated names and Green cars that I have not ended up in a tower with a rifle.
No more ranting and moaning. Here are some choice cuts from the Diary of a Madman, wait scratch that Ozzy reference. Diary of a I am going to snap someday guy:
DIARY OF A POOP BUTT (excerpts the negative)
What I like as of 9-9-8: I got yelled at last night. I looked up flights home for Christmas. I read some of the new Sedaris book. I feel alone. I feel like 2 employees. I finished the Wire, I cried when Michael left Bug at the aunt’s house. I watched a horrible wrestling program XPW TV, Onita’s press conference made me laugh. Palin speaks like Pickles and looks like Tina Fey’s wise aunt. I think I look ok today. I wish I could take the day off and eat pizza and catch up on AAA. I miss the boys all of them nephews and friends alike. I have not done a lot yet today, just day to day stuff. I am thinking about looking into a part time job at a homeless shelter. I was proud that I shaved, showered etc. last night so I could sleep a little more this morning.
Hey kid this is not a library, is seldom heard. Now discouraging words…Had Subway in the park and hated myself, homeless laughing man in the gazebo, I should have given him half instead of waiting for the empty belch to finish… I am a prick. After lunch my peeing increases. I should be making phone calls. I will hang information on doors later and hope no one sticks angry dogs on my butt.
I am a false front, I walked into the parking lot and realized that no one really sees the dark cloud I have inside. Ancient Chinese Secret. Afternoon upswing, coffee breath and a crazy man from Bulgaria in the office, wealthy garbage man was he. Could I hang off those trucks and lose my sense of smell? Here yes in Kansas no with the cold and the ice storms, but it would be nice after a long cold day to warm up your feet and watch the weather girl and take a nap. I miss the seasons, I should be charged rent at Safeway. Good night.
The bump in the night/day of Sept. 10: Houston I had a problem, you know the shirt I liked? Within 5 minutes of preparing a dinner it was assaulted and thrown across the room by a lumpy guy who had Safeway chicken salad breath mixed with feta cheese and apple chips. OK OK it was me.
Hi here is my card for Sept. 11, 2008 not so lucky #7, maybe it is a death dealer card. Damn shirt does not want to stay tucked in today, smells like fresh laundry though. Had some wine and cheese and won a bottle of wine. Knee deep in the Skrull invasion and felt like one. Embrace change, change into more comfortable clothes. Digging up business as I think about elbow drop beat down and how I want to go to McDonald’s for a Big Mac and read comics in peace.
A demand list was given for the one hostage of the true me; a sports car, bigger house, nanny and a new baby. In too deep should take up soccer and block a shot every period with my testicles. Rich white and business like I do not believe is me. Not too bad a mood, some jokes but I was told I need to get thicker skin. Hey guess what you need to have a nicer mouth. The responsibility I guess is on the person who has hurt feelings.
AND A RANDOM ONE FOR THE ROAD:
Sometimes I think it would be nice to just leave everything all behind. Go back to Hays and work at Hastings and have a small apartment. I would be 3 hours from my friends and 1 and a half from my family. Or maybe move to New Jersey and get a shit job and go to wrestling shows. Or maybe I should grown up and quit being interested in comics, characters and toys. I am lost and it is bad as being lost on highways in the mountains late at night. Maybe I could go to Japan and work and go to BJW shows and enjoy the consideration and quiet of a full country. Maybe I could move to Canton and get a good house for a decent price, open a video store and live the rest of my days in a lonely peace. I know what I am supposed to want; big house and a nice car. I want a house where I can have my stuff out.
Top Ten Wrestlers My favorite 2 that are tickling my fancy as of 10-3-8 when I should be elbow deep in sales (this is on the fly god damnit):
1. Chessman I side with him in his feud with Cibernetico. Cibernetico is the HHH of AAA (clever huh?) A couple of weeks ago they had their first big one on one and he wore this odd orange doll mask with hair and removed it to have smudged black face paint. He looked deranged so it was great. He also in the same match took a nutty as a squirrel turd bump from a stunner off the apron onto a table. He lost but I hope they give him his own group with a certain gladiator I like. Yeah right. His throw away match with Ricky Marvin as his partner was so great, especially the spearing of Jack Evans through the ropes and a table. Chessman is a big caveman who bumps like crazy and has his mental good days and bad. I guess I relate.
Shadow WX: This pic is from his hot sauce board death match that I have not seen yet. It is getting mixed reviews. But hey I was excited to hear he won the belt again. He looks different now, slimmed down and tan. I wonder why guys go back to death matches after leaving it? I was just watching one last night and Shadow had tubes stuck in the front of his shirt and then got a knee splash. His death match finish is nutty as it is a light tube lariat. He is one passionate fella and hey Winger is back too. Will they team them up or have them kill each other? Knowing BJW they will do both. Heated singles match one day meaningless 6 man the next day.
The good:
Halloween type TV
Too many DVDs to watch
Burger King by the San Carlos airport
Skaar Son of Hulk
I had coffee today and a random girl smiled at me on Laurel St.
Sweet Brown Sugar aka Stagger Lee aka Koko B. Ware
10-30-8 is an overcast day with rain (finally)
The bad:
Baseball is over
No time to watch too many DVDs
Eyes watching over for State Farm
Bagging your weasel
Green, green politics- flamethrower this state
The ugly:
Said bagged weasel
The 4AM poop that died 10-29-8 onion
blossom covered in wet sand
Trying to sell something that you cannot touch, taster or fart on
*This quickly produced zine should be read on the toilet, but not for a big get a pillow poop but a quick one. For bigger and longer poops I recommend the following:
Planet Hulk
Joke Books
Wii manuals
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